TRAPPED
Have you ever felt so trapped, so far in a hole that you have no idea how to get out?
I am trapped as a woman. I am trapped as a black woman. I am trapped in America. I am trapped as a single mother. I am trapped in poverty. I am trapped in the Pacific Northwest. I am trapped around white people. I am trapped in racism. I am trapped in Microaggressions. I am trapped in discrimination. I am trapped watching white people terrorize my child. I am trapped in domestic violence. I am trapped knowing no one cares. I am trapped on Earth with people who hate. I am trapped by depression. I am trapped by hard work that never amounts to anything. I am trapped by stereotypes. I am trapped by white people who want everyone to be just like them. I am trapped by mental illness. I am trapped without a home. I am trapped around people who don't understand me. I am trapped around churches who show hate but say that it's love and constructive criticism.
"Hail Hail Lion of Judah! Let the Lion ROAR! ROAR! Oh Valley Be Raised Up! Oh Mountain Be Made Low!" By Elevation Worship
I want to be free. I want to take my child and run and never return. I want to run with her to the ends of the earth, where no one lives, where animals roam. I want to escape the white oppression, the black mental health stigmas, the so-called holy churches, the Microaggressions, the domestic violence, the childhood traumas, the pain from watching public schools hurt my child, the KKK Karen Syndrome, the black poverty, the people of color stereotypes, the always right white history, the demeaning white confidence and power, the white hatred! Let me go! Let my daughter go! Let us be free!
I want to wake up in the Garden and feel like this was all a nightmare. I want my daughter to feel safe and happy. I want us to live in peace! God, where are you? I am not perfect! I don't want to live like this! White people scare me to the point where I want to fight them all of the time. They have power and privilege. Black stigmas on mental health restrain my daughterand I to suffer in silence. Black churches separate us. White KKK Karens tear us apart. I am suffering. I am suffocating.
Green pastures, rolly hills, pure streams and lakes, deliciously ripe fruit, warm sun. This is what I think about while my daughter and I suffer. Curled up in a ball on the couch or swimming in the river. Doing art outside or running through the woods. Cooking our favorite meal. This feels like home. This feels like freedom. This feels safe.
Have you ever felt so trapped, so far in a hole that you have no idea how to get out?
"Hail Hail Lion of Judah! Let the Lion ROAR! ROAR! Oh Valley Be Raised Up! Oh Mountain Be Made Low!" By Elevation Worship
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