Trapped...

Have you ever felt like you were suffocating....like you couldn't breathe. People think that black people should be strong, brave, silent, resilient, and respectful to everyone despite how people treat us. I am dying. I am tired. Does anyone care how I feel when I walk around and suffer from white people's ignorance and stupidity? Does anyone care how my twelve year old feels trying to breathe when white girls can do things that she can't? Does anyone care how someone else's implicit bias affects us? Turn the other cheek. Don't be like them. You can't hate, it's a sin. They are God's people too. I am dying. My heart is ripped from my chest every day. My anger burns every time I see my child cry. I don't know what to do. I am not white. I don't get the same privileges as them and I am dying inside and out. Don't let them affect you. They still statistically get paid more than us even with the same education. They control our food, our jobs, our kids, our media.....they control us.

Jesus, just let me breathe. Help me to breathe. Help me to be strong. The pain, it hurts. They laugh in our faces because they can. Help my child to be okay. Suicidal as she may be....help her to be able to laugh and live and love. Help her to make it to become an adult.....a successful adult. Help me please. Help me and my daughter breathe.

I beg them for jobs. I beg them to give me food. I beg them to teach my child. I beg them to help pay for my bills. I can't afford it. I beg them to walk on the sidewalk without repercussions. I beg them to let me live without calling the police unnecessarily. I beg them to let me be me.

They hate who I am, my ancestors, our inventions, our accomplishments, our successes. We aren't included in U.S. History. We aren't considered Americans. Oh God, why is it so wrong for me to want to celebrate Black History. Why is it so wrong for me to want to uplift and inspire my daughter, my race, my people. Help me breathe Jesus. Help me live. Help me help my child. I am dying. I am not a strong black woman. I am broken without you. I am shattered and torn and distraught. I am indespair. I am seeking your face, your presence, your love, your worship. Help me breathe Jesus. Save my child dear God. We are dying. We need you oh God.

"This can't be it. God is so much bigger than this. I was at a point where I wanted to quit, then I heard Him call." Deeper by Marvin Sapp

Jesus, help my child. Like Hagar crying out for her child, so I cry out for mine. Help me live Jesus. Save my child Jesus. I am tired. I am calling for you to help us. I am lost and broken and full of hate. I need your help. I can't do this without you.

"This can't be it. God is so much bigger than this. I was at a point where I wanted to quit, then I heard Him call." Deeper by Marvin Sapp